08/15/25

I am high and a little tipsy, so parts of this are hazy. And OMG am I ADHD right now.

I have never felt like this before. I have the perfect life. I have Morty. 

Today was ordinary for what was the status quo (why am I being so eloquent right now?). I woke up around noon, mom and I went to the liquor store, and I spent the afternoon playing FFXIV. (Our Game). Morty had a “safety meeting” at work and had a couple drinks. Mom said the equivalent of she approves of Morty. When he arrives, I have him change into some small shorts without his underwear. I took a gummy around 4:30. By then, I was starting to feel the effects. When we get back to the room from making drinks, we start touching each other. Touching led to oral play and then further to anal. Morty gives me the best head I have ever had. And then he mounts me and rides me. He does this perfectly. No awkwardness of positioning, or getting tired quickly. I have him get on his knees and I take him from behind. It feels wonderful. I tell him that I am most likely too high to be able to climax but I would try my best to pleasure him so that he can finish. This is the first time I have ever had sex like this. I can confidently say, I had passionate love. Afterward, he got me a drink because I was panting and so dry mouthed. We started to talk about the sex. About what we liked and what we didn’t like. This is the healthiest aftertalk I have ever had. I’ve never had someone that wanted to put in the effort to examine what we did and how to improve it. We laughed, cried, and I started writing my vows. I essentially told him that I wanted to propose but I couldn’t afford a ring right now. He suggested promise rings. Nothing fancy, just 20-40$. I had to ask him to buy that for us. He said yes. 

I am in the healthiest, ideal relationship. I could never think of a moment more perfect than this. We both cried more. We get in the shower together to rinse off. I think to myself, I want to take a shower every time that Morty does. And it just clicks. I have struggled with hygiene because of depression. He just gave me a way to improve my life in a way I never expected. I tell him that he completes parts of me that I didn’t know I needed. I want to be a better person now because I want to give him only the best. 

I asked him if he would want kids in the future. I told him that I had always thought the idea of hosting a homeless youth would be a great way to help someone in need and help contribute to a healthier society. 

Fuck. I forgot to tell you about my religious experience today. MidnightVixenFox had a fb post about wanting to pursue volunteering as a way to help her integrate into the workforce if that went well. I love her. We went to elementary school together, parts of middle school, and then high school. We were both in marching band and suffered under the stern Mr. Early. We both had shared trauma from that, so we bonded on that level. I had lost touch with her after high school and reconnected on FB a couple years ago. Now, I go to her and AuroraCrystalhart's place every Wednesday for Dungeons and Dragons. We have great sessions. Nobody is pressured or is a rules lawyer. (except maybe me). I had always admired Midnight and Aurora's relationship. They were content. A kind of life that I wanted. They had a modest house that was big enough to host company. The garage was converted to this awesome bar room. We played D&D down there. It was the epitome of classic D&D. They were the perfect couple and perfect friends. I digress.

I sent Midnight a message to tell her about Other Options and to invite her and Aurora to join us on Saturdays. And if that went well, there were other days available to volunteer during the week so it was flexible on schedules. I think this is a perfect opportunity for Midnight and I hope she takes it. It would also give me more reason to show up every Saturday instead of slacking off to play games with Morty. It is part of my new perfect life that I’m having. Getting ahead of myself. 

She responds to my message by inviting me to her church. She says it is pretty liberal and Aurora feels safe to be herself/themself? I’ve never asked to clarify and I feel bad about that. I’ll correct that next time I see her/them. 

OMG! In the shower, I put on music and the song Magical Mystical by Benson Boone comes on. The song is about my love being special, and once you have had my kind of love, anything else feels unworthy. I asked Morty if this could be our song and he said yes.

Right, the church! I watched a clip of their service with an open mind, with a little hesitation. Nothing had ever resonated with me before. I like the guest speaker of that service and decided to watch another service with a different guest speaker. I love the chill and welcoming atmosphere of the service. I feel welcomed as I am. My therapist and I talked about me wanting to find something greater than myself to feel more complete. I have found it. When Mom and I went to get liquor, I told her about it and sent her a link to the clip. I hope she will go to service with me on Sundays. I want her to feel welcomed into a community that she feels safe in. I think that she has never been able to live as herself. She never got the chance. Life was thrust on her and she did the best that she could to keep up with the tide that life kept pushing against us. I text Morty about it but he is hesitant. I hope he will join me. I didn’t know until now that I needed this in my life. It is a missing piece of the puzzle to a fulfilling life. 

Fuck. Back to the question about having kids. After telling him that I wanted to have a piece of my life where I help mold a young person into becoming a contributing member of society. Whatever form that takes- adopting, hosting, or fostering, I don’t care. I just want to do this as a newly realized Universal Unitarian. And another thing clicks. Another missing piece of the perfect life that I didn’t  know I could have. 

Right now he is trying to order us dinner but is a little too inebriated to do it. He asks if I could order and he will cash app me. Like an equal. I tell him that I love that I could do this for him. He says he really appreciates it. 

While I am having all of these perfect moments, I think to myself that I have to journal. I don’t ever want to forget this feeling  of feeling complete. 

And all through this, I have this one question screaming in the back of my mind. “What am I going to tell my therapist?” 

Same day, around 2030

While he (successfully) orders dinner, I talk to my mom. I tell her that I have the perfect life. I explained that I am being fulfilled professionally with getting this new job. It will be so fulfilling to be able to help someone and see visible results as they grow. I want to be a part of that process as a goal in life. And now I can do that as a career. 

I tell her that finding this church is fulfilling in a spiritual way and that I hope she joins me to be a part of a bigger community. She says she will go with me. She is hesitant because of her previous relationship with religion. 

I tell her that Morty completes me as a person, that I know that I am going to propose and I will do that as soon as I can save up enough money for a ring. She tells me that she is really happy for me. I tell her that I love her and we do not say it enough. She said she loved me too.

She said that she is sad that she hasn’t been offered a job yet. I tell her that she is doing great. She has been to two interviews and will have another next week. That’s better than me! 

I love that mom can have this moment where we are both vulnerable and sharing with each other. This is healing. This is bonding. She asked me about a therapy session with both of us together to help me talk to her. She said she is ready as soon as I am. This is a healthy, healing relationship that I need in my life. And another thing clicks into place. I needed this piece in my life to make it perfect. 

Today is a life-changing day. I can’t wait to unpack this all with my therapist. 

Same day, 2130

Morty shares with me that he had an experience where somebody had roofied him in a bar one time but he was able to find his friend in time before he passed out.  

I think to myself that I am so happy that he feels like he can be this vulnerable with me. 

I shared with him about the time that I was sexually assaulted. He stands up and comes to me with tears in his eyes. He kisses me multiple times and hugs me tightly. He says that it makes him sad that I had to go through that. And that it also makes him angry that that guy did that. If I were to think of the perfect response to me sharing that, it would be exactly his reaction. I feel safe to be myself and share everything about me to him.